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Those two men had nothing in common, except that they both wanted to meet. Alcohol may have turned me into Cinderella for a few radiant hours, but I would wake up in dishrags again, crying about the messes I'd made.This time, the process of finding the right person on the site was more honest, but it was also slow. A lot of dudes in camo posing in front of their giant trucks. Some days I thought about finding a random dude and just banging him. Why did I think sex was something I needed to get over with? When he offered to make me a lavish meal on Valentine's for our third date, I knew the only proper response was to gently fold up the tent on our time together.
I knew such joy could exist between two people, but I had no clue how to get to it anymore. So my "About Me" statement began "I used to drink, but I don't anymore." I've had stronger openings, but this one was good for now.
This wasn't the first time I had tried online dating.
About six months after I moved to New York, I signed on to
My first online date was with a divorced father who was an immigration lawyer. He deserved to spend that holiday with someone who felt differently about him.
I was starting to learn one of the most important lessons of online dating: the wisdom of saying no. I was shy and ambitious, a terrible mix, and so I tried to dismantle my isolationist tendencies.
One of the great, unheralded aspects of Internet dating was that the word was in the title, thus eliminating any ambiguity. Occasionally I would e-mail one of them, and they never wrote back, and I got it.
Back when I was drinking, I wouldn't have responded to me either.But I'd ruined my sole romantic strategy: get drunk, see what happens.I had no idea how to get close to a man without alcohol.After I got sober, I worried I'd never have sex again.This may sound dramatic, the kind of grandiose proclamation a teenager makes before slamming the door to her room.I did it for my friend Anna, who'd logged countless hours listening to me complain about my ex. I bought a bottle of sauvignon blanc that night and sipped my way onto a plateau of cleverness.